Tuesday, January 02, 2007

of Resolutions and Delusions

It's a new year and that means it's time to start working on the many resolutions I've set for myself this time around. I'm painfully aware of how cliché it is to stat a blog as a result of a new year's resolution, it would certainly be much cooler to arbitrarily pick a date to start a blog. "Today is June 16, today it begins" or something like that. But unfortunately I need extra stimulus to goad me into action.

I generally believe I have something worthwhile to share, worthwhile enough to warrant a blog at least, but I also have this pesky fear that I might be suffering from delusions of grandeur. The worst of it, though, is that I actually do suffer delusions of grandeur on a regular basis, every time I discover a new idea I tend to over inflate it's value until it becomes the best idea anyone has ever had... ever. So I have to constantly remind myself that no it's not the best ever, it's probably barely even good. This flip-floping between up playing and down playing my ideas tends to rob me of any ability to judge my ideas and generally keeps me from acting on them.

Thus, this year my resolution is to develop a compulsivity towards my ideas such that I have to act on them regardless of the quality. Who knows? Maybe one of my ideas will actually turn out to be good enough to earn me the small paragraph amongst the annals of history. My biggest fear is not so much death, but anonymity. More than anything else, I want to be remembered after I'm gone.

This brings me to the inspiration for this blog. I read this story shortly after it was published. It planted a meme in me so strong that my belief system has completely altered itself since reading it. The idea that this tiny little blog that presents my tiny little thoughts, will be cached (remembered) for as long as google exists, is so comforting to me that I'm compelled to add myself to the 9 billion names of God.

Of course it only took me 2 years to do it.